Panda poem, Saturday Live 10/12/11

Saturday Live poem written in response to feature about Chi Chi and her keeper, itself in response to the recent arrival of pandas at Edinburgh Zoo

Two Lovely Black Eyes

everybody loves a panda
quick to nibble, slow to anger
we feel tender toward the polar
brown bear, grizzly and koala
but we’re fonder of the panda
can’t but want a cosy cuddle
with the one tonne two-tone bundle

deployed over the centuries
in overseas diplomacy

there’s a made-up Chinese proverb:
when good will is all but squandered
after diplomatic blunder
you can always send a panda
international befriender
ace bridge builder and fence mender
you can depend upon a panda

the mammal that’s based on a toy

to cap it all they can be coy
attempts to mate Chi Chi with An An
were, with hindsight, bound to founder
Chi Chi had her own agenda
wham bam? no thank you An An
bamboo? that’ll do!
as love lives go, theirs was so so

Chi Chi’s remains are still around though
visit, if you want to see ’em
the natural history museum

where the label really should say,
what the label never would say:

Chi Chi. There’s no panda finer.
Stuffed in Britain. Made in China.

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